Is Justice Blind on Love is Blind?
RECAP
Spoiler For: Season 3 of LIB
Lessbhonest, Love is Blind and its reunion is starting to get a little predictable. Even though the evil scientists, Nick and Vanessa Lachey, have turned up the heat on their lab rats, the results seem to be the same. Two couples get married, one boring and one train wreck. The boring couple this season was Brennon and Alexa. And then the couple that is like watching the Hindenburg go up in a fiery blaze in real time was Colleen and Matt.
Colleen, seriously, run! Or rather, jeté away!!
Besides the discount on wedding events, the other certainty is a little drama sauce on the side. Season 1 had the Messica/Amber showdown. Season 2 was a verbal tar and feathering of Shake. And Season 3 was serving up a piping hot debate we’re calling Cutiesgate.
Zanab and Cole were doomed from the moment the curtain lifted and it surprised no one that they didn’t say ‘’I do” by the last episode. There was a lot of “he said” and “she said” going on between them and most of their accusations toward each other conveniently happened off camera. Except one.
Zanab accused Cole of body shaming her throughout filming and claims the story about the cuties is the one to prove these claims. But we never got to see this moment, as it must have been left on the cutting room floor. Well, the producers threw us a little desserty-dessert for sitting through an otherwise snoozefest reunion. The moment in question came after the credits and the jury is out about whose side of the story is the most accurate.
I’m not a lawyer but I play one on blogs, so let me present the case for both sides and then I'll decide who deserves to have the Book of Love thrown at them.
So what was the act in question. Well in short, while waiting for dinner reservations, Zanab grabbed two cuties (those little snacky oranges) and Cole asks if she is going to eat both of them. Zanab claims he was lowkey shaming her about her eating habits and her weight. Cole claims he has no memory of the ordeal and then backtracks to say he was just joking. Well, cameras were rolling and we got to see it.
ORDER! ORDER IN THE COURT! The Honorable Judge Hannah will preside over the case of Zanab V. Cole. Up first is the prosecution.
The Prosecution
Zanab charges Cole with crimes of body shaming, gaslighting, and overall douchebaggery. If found guilty, he faces a sentence of ten years of every girl swiping left on him on Tinder.
Evidence
Exhibit A: Cole tells Zanab she is only 9 out of 10 while admitting he finds Colleen to be a 10/10.
Exhibit B: Telling Colleen he finds her attractive in the pool right after proposing to Zanab.
Closing Argument
Cole Barnett is a man-child who had NO business signing up for a show called Love is Blind when looks clearly matter to him. He made comments on Zanab not being his type on numerous occasions and even went as far as to hit on another girl in front of his fiancé. When it comes to Cutie's situation, Cole may say it was all in jest but joking about people’s eating habits is NEVER FUNNY. He knew Zanab was self-conscious about her weight and choose to make subtle, undercutting remarks anyways. Members of the Jury, if you care about body positivity and the empowerment of women then you have no choice today but to find Cole GUILTY.
The Defense
Cole denies any wrongdoing and instead issues a counter-claim that Zanab was a manipulative covert-narcissist who used Cole as an opportunity to be this season’s Deepti.
Evidence
Exhibit A: Constantly nagging about Cole’s messy habits.
Exhibit B: Berating him at the altar in front of all his friends and family in a big spectacle.
Exhibit C: Bringing up Cutiesgate at the reunion and having all the girls on her side before they had ever seen the footage.
Closing Arguments
My client Cole Barnett is innocent by reason of stupidity. He was stupid for going on the show, he was stupid for proposing to Zanab, and he was stupid for all the stupid shit he did afterward. But is stupidity a crime? Sure, it should be, but it’s not. He made a little jokey joke to a person who can’t take one. Does he deserve death by cancellation? Or can we all forgive this dummy and give another Barnett in the world redemption?
While the jury deliberates please enjoy these tweets.....
Okay the jury has reached a verdict.
We the jury in the case Zanab V. Cole find the defendant NOT GUILTY.
He was just being an idiot but not a malice idiot in this situation.
Both the defendant and the plaintiff are banned from any more reality TV for 2 years. Or at least until Life After the Altar.
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