We Were Robbed of Sneaky Sex
RANT
Spoilers For: A spoiled season 2
Season Two of sweet as AppleTV pie Ted Lasso, aired last week and the reviews are… mixed.
There is so much to unpack about the sophomore season— the lack of hopium that some of us got a wee bit addicted to, the overly saccharine episodes that went past endearing and straight to cringefest, and of course that weird-ass Coach Beard stand-alone that literally, no one requested.
Basically, there is A LOT to complain about season two even if you liked it, but the part that sends me into a rage ready to rip down my own “Believe” totem is that they finally got Smoke-Shows Rebecca and Sam together and they only told us they were sneaking around at work.
I’m sorry, what? Like what in the actual fuck? Ahem, excuse me but could you maybe have SHOWN IT TO ME!!!
Season one had the perfect amount of teasing for these potential Smash Bros: lingering glances, awkward word fumbles, and equal forces in their hotness gravitational pull to eventually lead to a big bang. Season two delivers their sexy time right on schedule and the extra delayed gratification with Rebecca’s hesitancy was a perfect last minute edging to the ultimate climax.
Then episode 10 (“No Weddings and a Funeral”) starts off with our proper fit singles laying in bed talking about how fun it has been to sneak around at work. I'm sorry... whats this now?
Rebecca revels in the experience, saying it’s “scandalous and fun” and Sam bemoans it as stressful…. And then that’s it. We move on. Mommy Dearest shows up to tell us about dead dad.
And we’re just supposed to forget that these two have been getting dirty in one room while Ted slings clean folksy aphorisms a few doors down?!
I understand that modern seasons are short. A twelve episode season doesn't allow for nearly as much “show-don’t-tell” time as an old fashion twenty-four arc and had it been for that alone I would have forgiven this cardinal sin, but oh that’s right, they gave us an entire episode of Beard traipsing around London in dumb pants, moving neither the story nor character development in the process.
If they needed a filler episode then give us Rebecca and Sam trying to ignore the smell of dirty cleats as they feel each other up, have Rebecca pitch Sam’s tent out on the pitch, throw in some almost close calls with Dr. Feelgood Lady, and No-Name-Ball-Boy (does he have a name?) walking by.
Is it innovative? New? Never-been-done-before? Fuck no, it’s tropey as hell but it’s what the people want, and by people I mean me. It’s what I want.
Sneaky sex is one of my favorite things in the world, especially when people are dipping their pens in company ink. Afternoon delights, weird hookup locations, secret smiles that no one else in the room gets, and dropping cryptic hints in unexpected places are television kryptonite for this gal. And like many, many, many other things about this season, it fell short.
Season three could be a chance for redemption, the last shot to make the goal and save the day. Return Nate from the dark side, keep Keeley and Roy together, and SHOW HANNAH PEARSON SNEAKY HOT SEX BETWEEN REBECCA AND SAM!
That's All.
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